A Decade in the Making?

Oh look, an update finally! I know, I'm a bad blogger. I just haven't had much time or anything really interesting to tell.

So I was cruising my favorite dating site the other day, and one of my matches had that air of familiarity about him. I checked out his profile, and I do in fact know this guy, although I haven't seen him in close to 10 years.

Here's the backstory. I was (well, sorta still am) a punk rocker. Went to all the shows, got drunk in alleys, pissed in public, that whole thing. And when I was 15 or 16 I met this guy, who'd come to shows occasionally, named Danny. Fun to hang out with, but I didn't see him very often because he lived about 50 miles away, so he'd only come down for the really major shows.

Fast forward 3 years. I'm 19, and Joey Ramone has just died. My local punk rock venue hosted a Ramones tribute show, and who do I run into but Danny. I hadn't seen him in a while, but we hung out and exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out some more, as now he only lived about 20 miles away. He was going to college in the next city over.

I went down to his place, and got drunk with him and his (female) roommate. Things were going well, there seemed to be a mutual attraction between Danny and I, so I took the opportunity to ask his roommate if he was single when he went to the bathroom. She answered in the affirmative. Sweet.

Sometime later she announced she was tired and went to bed. Danny and I were rather close on the couch at this point, and we began to make out. Shortly thereafter, we moved things to his bedroom. All of a sudden, just as things are getting good, the roommate knocked on the door and urgently asked Danny to come out. I overheard a bit of their conversation, and it seems that she needed to go to the emergency room, but she said she's fine to drive herself.

Danny returned and explained. She had some super crazy genetic disease that only, like, 14 people on the planet have. She got sick a lot, spent a lot of time in the hospital, yadda yadda. This was apparently a typical Friday night for her. But, of course, that killed the mood, so nothing more happened.

Soon after this night, Danny left to go on an archaeology dig in Ireland. We kept in contact over the phone, and I sent him a care package with some mixed CDs and his favorite (unattainable in Ireland) cigarettes. I was all excited to see him when he returned 6 weeks later.

That didn't work out so well. Turns out he had had a brief fling with his roommate, and she was super duper crazy. When he got back she told him she was pregnant, which I believe to be a total fabrication based on my not very scientific opinion that someone who's as sick as she was probably doesn't even have a functional uterus. Either way, that situation was too much for him to deal with, so he broke things off with me.

Damn, that sucked. But either way, nearly a decade later, he popped up as one of my matches. I sent him a message, hoping he'll remember me. He does. We started chatting, and it seems we have as much (if not more) in common as ever, and we've made plans to get together for a drink Friday night.

Woot! Hope there's no crazy roommates to deal with this time.

First Impressions: Your Username (Part One of a Series)

Your username, along with a tiny (and often indecipherable) thumbnail, is the first thing people people see when browsing the dating site or checking their inbox. So, you know, it's kind of important.

Let's take mine, for example. It's the first album my favorite band ever released, and also one of my favorite usernames for a bit of irony we won't mention (for that would give it away, and I don't want the word getting out that I'm ruthlessly mocking these guys!). But it works in two ways. Fans of said band will recognize me as a fellow fan, which is a point in my favor. Those who are unfamiliar with the band will see a unique username (you'll never get it confused with anyone else, I promise). Win-win.

There seem to be 4 general categories of usernames- Variations on Your Given Name, Descriptive, Humorous, and Dating Site Cliches.

Variations on Your Given Name

These tend to be pretty neutral, and usually look something like this: JohnnyMac26, JimmyinFl, etj07, etc. They really only work against you if you have a name with negative connotations (I'm looking at you, Francis. And you too, Gunther.) But they lack something, and tend to be forgettable. A better tactic is to include a humorous or descriptive statement with your name- BrandonSaysNo, jaredlovestacos, MayhemJay.

Descriptive

These tend to be pretty successful, because they entice potential suitors to view your profile. I'm lumping a lot of things in this category, including any references to your interests or hobbies (such as taking the name of your favorite fictional character, or your favorite band's first album as the case may be) or your personality, or in very limited circumstances, physical descriptors. Some examples of good descriptive usernames: IHearTheMusic, mythologyprof, ArizonArtist, DCAdventurer. For the physical descriptors, you have to be careful- I don't want to know how hot you are, how big your cock is, or how sculpted your abs are. DasBeard, gingermenace, fireeyedblamp. They reference neutral physical characteristics- facial hair, hair color, eyes.

Humorous

Pretty self-explanatory- puns, pop-culture references, wordplay. I enjoy armyofdorkness and HommeSkillet.


Dating Site Cliches

I probably won't answer you, BlueEyedPoetic, DarkRomantic, FLGentleman, or niceguy4u. [anything]4u is the quickest way to get a "pass!" from me, I have an irrational hatred of that cliche. I would hope that being an outdoorsman, gentleman, nice guy, chef, poet, or musician is something you do for yourself, not to get dates. Likewise, I am very suspicious of guys with usernames that tell me how romantic, sweet, cuddly, or poetic they are. Women aren't nearly so gullible, guys, and you can demonstrate your generous, sensitive side through words and actions rather than usernames.

Really Bad Ideas

The aforementioned references to your penis, your sexual prowess, your hotness, etc. I would have thought that was obvious, but I still see FantasyFuking, goodatsex, and RonJeremyJr. Note: anyone who publicly announces their skill in the sack probably sucks more than a Hanoi whore, and anyone who proclaims their hotness immediately becomes the opposite of hot.

Stay tuned for the next part of the First Impressions series- how your profile picture prevents you from getting laid.

Turning the Tables

Let's examine a different perspective- guys who are completely disappointed in me.

That's me. As you can see, I may not exactly conform to society's feminine ideal. This is a photo I currently have on my dating profile, but until I conscripted a friend to do a photo shoot for me, all I had were head shots. I thought the chubby cheeks would give me away, but apparently I was wrong.

There were several dates where it was obvious that the guys were expecting someone thinner, and after a couple of hours of polite conversation we called it a night and that was the end of it. But one guy in particular...

A little backstory. I'd chatted with this guy (we'll call him Ben) about our similar musical tastes. I asked him out for coffee one evening on a day that I had inadvertently double-booked myself. I had an afternoon date with one guy, and an evening date with Ben. So I rushed back from my afternoon date (with an awesome guy, Evan, that I ended up dating for a couple of months) to meet Ben.

It became obvious to me about 20 minutes into the date that Ben kind of sucked. First off, he wasn't as attractive as I thought he'd be- a let-down, but not a deal-breaker. He had this really huge nose, a la Cyranno de Bergerac. Although it managed to be pretty photogenic- still don't understand that one. But he was, well, lame.

Lame like, sheltered. I mean, if your idea of a *crazy funny* story is how one night, you dispatched a tow truck to a really drunk guy.... *crickets* ....um, yeah. Wow, I would never be able to introduce you to my friends, because you're a weenie. Also, lame as in, oblivious. He kept raising his voice over the noise from the acoustic band that was playing, despite glares from the audience and snide comments from the barista. Geez, did you ever think that all these people huddled appreciatively around this band might be here to enjoy them? And until we get our drinks and go sit outside, maybe it would be best to keep conversation to a minimum since you're obviously unable to keep your freaking voice down?

So, I say to myself, have a cup of coffee, chat for an hour or two, then go home and ignore his calls. I do a lot of that, no big deal. But apparently, I was too hideous for him to even look at. Or he was ashamed to be sitting at a coffee shop with such a disgusting fatty. Or something.

Maybe 15 minutes into the date, he gets a text message. Oh, ha ha, look, my friend sent me a funny picture of a luchador. He sends a quick response, and apologizes for the interruption. I think nothing of it. But then, 10 minutes later or so, he gets a phone call. *Exaggerated puzzled face* "Wait.. why is he calling me? I told him I was on a date... I'm sorry, I have to take this, it might be important."

OK, fine, I'm gonna get me a sammich. I overhear his theatrical response to whatever's being said- "What happened? What do you mean? *gasp* OMG!" He runs up, says, "I'm so sorry, I had a lovely time, but I've got an emergency and I've got to go. We should do this again sometime," and he rushes out the door.

Huh. So I don't have to spend another hour wondering how the hell you stumbled upon such great bands, yet manage to suck so badly? Cool. But then I started thinking, about the text message, and the melodramatic phone call, etc. He had an escape plan for lame dates! And he used it on me.

Dude. Superlame.

Why Are They So Persistent?

Here's the deal. A few emails, or even one date, do not create some sort of 'relationship.' You do not need to 'break up' with the guy you went on an awkward date with. In fact, I think it would be strange to tell someone, "Hey, you seem cool, but you just don't do it for me," unless you've a) gone on several (like, more than 3) dates or b) had sex.

I go on a lot of dates. Sometimes, the guys are totally normal, just not quite what I was looking for. When this happens, I just don't call them back, and don't make future plans. But sometimes, even after a long period without communication or encouragement, they still try. And I don't get this.

For instance, DJ. Very intelligent and thoughtful messages led to a date for coffee. But I realized, a little ways into the date, that I didn't find him attractive. For me, this has more to do with someone's personality than their looks. He was objectively fairly cute, but several things turned me off. First, he was quite a bit (10 years) older than I am. Now, that's not a deal breaker right off the bat, in fact I secretly have a crush on another guy who is also 10 years older than I am. However, we have to be in roughly the same place in our lives for this to work, and DJ just.... wasn't. I couldn't imagine him going to the places I like to frequent, or if he did, looking very out of place. Also, he was religious. I'm a bit put off by someone who refers to Christianity as "my faith." Plenty of people out there identify as Christians because that's all they know, but referring to it in such a fashion tells me he's fairly serious, and I don't like that. Not to mention that the comment was basically, "Well, that's why I like my faith, it's obviously so much better than Islam." Totally uncool, I have a soft spot for the Middle East, and I get really annoyed by the way it's perceived in the west.

I thought DJ was an all right guy, and might be fun to hang out with platonically, so I tentatively made plans for another date. As the day approached, however, I had legitimate issues that prevented me from getting together with DJ. I told him, and he offered a raincheck. But the longer I thought about it, the less I wanted to. He obviously was interested romantically, and I didn't want to deal with that, so when he texted me asking what I was doing with my 3-day weekend (working two doubles and trying to catch up on homework, Happy Labor Day!) I ignored it.

I figured that was enough... I mean, if I were interested I would have contacted him at some point in the last few days, right? But no, he sent me another text message tonight while I was in class, asking if I wanted to get together soon.

I'm sort of baffled by all this. If a guy stops responding to me for some reason, I assume that means he's no longer interested. I just don't invest much until there's something to invest in, and a single date and a few IMs are not enough to do that. I go on dates with guys to eliminate the weirdos and crazies and uncool. Once you pass that test, *then* I decide whether or not I want to pursue a relationship with you.

I have no illusions that the way people present themselves online (or the way I perceive them) is the way they actually are in real life. That's what coffee dates are for.

But why is it that so many of these guys want to pursue a relationship when (IMO) we're obviously not compatible and have no chemistry? Is it just because they're horny bastards and think I'm cute? WTF?

My first online stalker

This all started when I first signed up. I got a message from a guy who lived about two hours away from me, and we talked a bit, but obviously the distance was an issue. But, he seemed nice, so we were friends on MySpace and chatted on AIM occasionally.

Then I started dating someone exclusively, and sort of forgot about this guy (we'll call him David). But, when that relationship didn't work out we started talking again. I thought to myself, why not push yourself a little? I had a friend who was dating someone in this distant city also, so I figured I'd hitch a ride with her when she went to visit her boyfriend and actually meet this David character I'd been casually chatting with for the better part of 6 months.

We exchanged phone numbers, and that's when the problems started. I'm not a big phone fan, so most of my calls are under 5-10 minutes and usually involve no more discussion than what's the plan for tonight/where should we meet/can you return that book I lent you.

David, however, wanted to talk for hours. Literally. He'd call, and we'd start talking, and despite my having plans, he'd suck me into to these long and, eventually, boring conversations. I'd try to gently let him go, and he'd get disappointed that I couldn't spend the entire afternoon on the phone. And then he'd call back, 3 hours later, after spending an hour talking to me already.

I started selectively answering my phone, and he got crazier. He'd call 4, 5, 6 times a day.

That freaked me right out. We'd tentatively made plans for the upcoming weekend, and he started talking like we were already dating. He wanted me to spend the night, and he talked about future cuddling and sex like it was going to happen. I don't know, until I actually meet and interact with a person, if I'm going to want to do it to them, so I certainly don't make those sorts of assumptions.

So I decided I wasn't going to meet him, since he seemed like a freaky-deaky-crazy-pants. And he continued to call, 8 times a day, and I avoided him, hoping he'd get the hint. I didn't really want to talk to him, and since we hadn't even met yet I figured the old avoidance tactic would do it.

It didn't. I had to send him a message so he'd get it. I told him he was freaking me and out seemed clingy and weird.

And the kicker- he still wanted to be "friends." Like we had any sort of history that would make that normal! No, dude, you're just a weird guy that I talked to online, thinking you were normal. Once you revealed your crazy, you forfeited all rights to talk to me.

I should have told him that, but I just told him it would make me uncomfortable. Then I blocked him on AIM and the dating website. Thank goodness he doesn't know where I live.

Ridiculous Profiles: A Study

My Self-Summary

I am a renaissance archetype. From obtaining a sense of my body through martial arts, competitive swimming, and various other activities, my physical prowess has not fallen short whatsoever. I'm am an NASM certified personal trainer with a Bachelors in Economics. Yes I know what you are thinking... the latter is a morbid study to pursue. However, the knowledge obtained was quite immense, I assure you.

Everything in life to me aside from love, family, and self interest rests in the pursuit of Truth and Wisdom. I have labored diligently through maxims (though not without digression) and will continue to do so in order to obtain the mind, body, and soul that will be looked upon with joy at the time of my deathbed. I am a very affectionate person who loves to kiss for long periods of time, so if you are not the touchy type, don't bother.

Please, let's look at some of the ridiculous-ness in detail. "Renaissance archetype." I don't recall Jung mentioning that one, but maybe he means it in the sense of epitome. We'll let that slide for now, but that strikes me as someone trying to show off some big words he learned in college.

"Obtaining a sense of my body through blah blah blah" sounds a bit strange to me, but clunky writing isn't the worst thing in the world. Oh, wait, here's a good one- "my physical prowess has not fallen short whatsoever." Fallen short of what? Society's ideals? Your own expectations? Are you trying to say you're in good shape? Because it's not working.

"The knowledge obtained was quite immense, I assure you." Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely starting to sound like a show-off. And the worst kind of show-off-- one who isn't very good at the skill he's putting on display.

How admirable that you pursue "Truth and Wisdom." Are you German, perhaps? Or just channeling Emily Dickinson?

"Labored diligently through maxims." No. What? Just, no. "that will be looked upon with joy at the time of my deathbed." Once again, no. I think you need to review not only subject/verb agreement, but also prepositional phrases and how not to sound like an ass.

What I’m doing with my life

If not for my disdain for modern academia, the pursuit to be a scholar would reign. For now, my thirst for knowledge is overcome with an inclination to get involved with social justice. I have been accepted to the law school of my choosing in Florida, but after graduating and hanging out a few months in Clearwater, I am dreading getting stuck in this semi-tropic region with complacent individuals. Needless to say, I still wish to get involved with malpractice law and one day become a Judge, though I may just end up in international business with a Bilingual background in Turkish. The DC area is what I'm looking at for now, Virginia, Maryland, etc. Part time accounting, personal training, and internships are my harvest zones at the moment until law/graduate school is completed. If I go to DC though, a 40k+ salary is waiting for me. Yet, I would still rather invest in my future and start at a base pay of at least 70k.

Practical affairs aside, I am advancing my skills and passions that have been delayed by the momentum of the busy life.

"The pursuit to be a scholar would reign." Once again, clunky. The first half of your sentences don't match the last half. Are you using a make-me-sound-like-an-ass sentence generator?

Overcome by. As I said, review prepositions. You can't just sprinkle them in there willy-nilly.

Harvest zones? Douchebag.

The first things people usually notice about me

Eyes, Arms, Chest. Unfortunately for me, I get mistaken as a smug and arrogant jock just because I stand up straight and carry myself with confidence. In social scenes, I attract all the wrong women and the ones I seek for their modesty and character shy away. Well then, that explains why I am making a profile on here. Now I can see how women write, and believe me this helps a bunch in weeding out da girlies wit ez peezeeee shorthand and nothing to propose of themselves.

Mistaken for. By the way, I don't think it's your posture that makes you seem smug and arrogant. And what the hell does "nothing to propose of themselves" mean, anyway?

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Hmm I read a lot... probably more so than the classic nerd archetype of whom you would expect, but I also do not read excessively. I'm not compensating for anything however, for I love knowledge truly. It is an ascension from the abyss of a shadow world, a break from the unconscious automatons of cognitive dissonance, and a release from existing in a reactionary state of being. Human beings have a sense of time and therefore are not animals, but divine vessels of thought. "And further, by these, my son, be admonished: making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh" -- King Solomon; The Torah {Eccl 12:12}.

You can go ahead and skip reading this part-
I enjoy the many works of Zecharia Sitchin, Plato, Saint Augustine, Immanuel Kant, Alduous Huxley, Carl Jung, Soren Kierkegaard, Arthur Schopenhauer, St. John of the Cross, David Hume, Dostoevsky, Aleister Crowley, William James, G.K. Chesterton, George Orwell, and more.

Movies- The Count de Monte Cristo and various others. I only mention this one because I love its thematic elements and passion.

Music- Jazz, Smooth Jazz, Trance, Flamenco, Classical, Meditative, New Age, some Industrial, Solfeggio frequencies, Old 70's rock, Some 80s and 90s stuff (hey I was a kid, I'll sing em all). Artists- Dave Brubeck, John Coltrane, Peter White, Sade, Infected Mushroom, Tiesto, Vicente Amigo, Paco de Lucia, Tomatito, Mozart, Beethoven, The Kronos Quartet, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Beetles, Santana, The Police, Queen, Steve Roach, and the list goes on.

Food- I'm type 0 blood so I crave meat often. Alaskan Salmon is considered the best meat there is on the planet for its low mercury content and rich nutrients... I do prefer this meal (ahem, for ladies who know how to cook :). My knowledge of foods, health, and preventative cancer treatments is vast without question. I own and use a 3-horse power blender all the time. It is able to blend a tree stem and hard metals. YES, it is the most powerful blender on the market. The ancients spent hours grinding parts of fruits just to extract phytochemicals necessary to assist the body in fighting illnesses. As a personal trainer that actually reads, I can give great advice for health beyond what most physicians will offer you.

There's that archetype again. As for the rest, you sound like a prick. You're telling me you can give me better advice than a doctor? Someone who devoted the better part of a decade to learning about medicine? What'd you do? Oh, that's right, read some books. And apparently believe that different blood types crave different foods. *ahem* Cite?

The six things I could never do without

Food + Water
Shelter
Health
Will Power
Access to Information
Lips

I spend a lot of time thinking about

The design of the Great Work of Creation before me, my brother, mother, and father's happiness. Also, the well-being friends that I love unconditionally. Other than my gratitude for what I have (since novelties fade quickly), I reflect heavily on historical themes and the non-linear repetition of such.

On a typical Friday night I am

Out with friends enjoying the world.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

Ooo lala, talk of secrets. I'm a lot more playful than what I project. Hmm, I have a thing for a proportional butt, legs, and feet.

You should message me if

...you wish to be satiated. I have been blessed to have had many people, both friends and ex-gfs, approach me and tell me that I have touched them so deeply that they feel changed forever. Most of learning is unlocking what is already inside of you sleeping, and one needs guidance through subtlety to see it through. I'm no mug filling an empty jug as you sit passively, no no... I have gifts.

Well I'm sorry to say you won't be filling me with an empty jug or whatever the hell your kink is.

Some People Just Don't Get the Message

Yes, this Nick character turned out to be very persistent. So he wanted me to elaborate on why I thought he was socially awkward. Even after ignoring his response, he continued to message me.

*crickets*

Fine, you wanna know why I think you're socially awkward? Let's see... you don't put your hands all over someone you've just met, especially when they're noticeably uncomfortable with that. You don't talk in a baby voice, ever, after the age of puberty, and you don't continue to harass someone who's obviously not interested. Fuck off.

He didn't respond after I sent him the above message. Yet, he still stalked my profile at 3AM. Sigh.

An Important Announcement

What I'm about to say may come as a great shock to you. In fact, maybe it's best if you sit down first. Go ahead, find a nice squishy chair. I'll wait.

Ready?

The internet obscures one's ability to judge the loserosity of other people.

No, really! I mean, it's pretty obvious if someone talks about their 647 hand-painted WarHammer figures, how the only "people" who truly understand them are their 8 incredibly adorable kittehs!, or how they've never felt the need to relocate from Mom's basement.

But sometimes you'll come across a profile that seems so... cool. They list politics among their interests. On a typical Friday night, they mention, they're liable to be hanging around a local coffee shop with their buds. Their pictures aren't the typical flaw-obscuring MySpace angle, nor the me-standing-in-front-of-my-bathroom-mirror cliche. No, they're taken by other people, who you assume must be their friends.

Oftentimes, these guys are able to sustain intelligent electronic communications. Their messages sound witty, and IMs confirm that they are able to maintain that wittiness in real time.

So what do you do if you stumble across one of these guys while trolling an online dating site? If you're me, you ask them out for coffee.

I invited a guy (we'll call him Nick) out for coffee after a week of IMing and whatnot. I had high hopes, unlike a lot of the dates I go on, where I push myself to give guys a chance that I wouldn't normally consider dating otherwise. I'm "expanding my horizons," or some bullshit. But this guy, I thought, this might be something.

It certainly was.

I find myself at Starbucks a little early, so I grab an Earl Grey latte and hang out. A few minutes later, here Nick comes. First impression? Hmm, slumpy posture and an oddly bouncy walk. Also, horrible shaggy hair. But still, high hopes, we had such fun conversations on AIM.

I approach. The moment I do so, he demands a hug. Not just any hug, no, he demands that I put down my "coffee"- come on, put down your coffee!- so I can give him a good hug. Wha?? I put down my tea, rather hesitantly. He grabs me in a bear hug, then (I think) demands that I pick him up. Lift. C'mon, lift! -he says. Ah well, next time I suppose.

I'm instantly squicked out. I love personal space, unless I know you very well. The first 5 minutes after meeting an internet stranger? Not feeling so touchy-feely. And it only gets worse. For the next hour, he's constantly trying to touch me in some way. Poking my stomach, or insisting that I flex so he can feel my biceps or calves. When I refuse, he accuses me of being uncomfortable about my body. No, asswipe, I'm just not comfortable with a stranger trying to put his hands all over it. He even grabbed my hand under the pretense of comparing hand sizes, then interlaced his fingers with mine and pulled me towards him. Like I really want to be holding hands with you! I pulled away.

Worse still, the conversation gets a little creepy. He occasionally slips into a baby voice, the kind you might adopt with your dog or, if you were feeling silly, your SO. Let me tell you, that's reeeeeally weird in a virtual stranger. And there I sit, mortified that there are other people nearby who might actually overhear this conversation.

Eventually he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. An opportunity! Maybe I can escape! Just as I survey the area to see if I can make a run for it, he returns. I, however, have had enough of this nightmare, so I have an excuse ready.

*Yaaaaaawn* Oh my, I'm so tired and I still have so much homework to do. I think I need to go.

I thought he got the message. The date had lasted an hour at best. Even mildly boring dates get more than that. He said goodbye rather coldly and left without attempting to hug me again. Big sigh of relief.

But then, not an hour later, he texted me. So got your out, happy? it read. As friends pointed out, that's not even English, but I got the point. Yes, thank you, I was happy with my out. I ignored him. But then, the next day, he sent another text message that read simply, Hi. At this point, flabbergasted that he still did not understand, and with some urging from friends, I replied, "Sorry, my out is got of my happy. In my out is of then you which whom are the in. In your whether is not my in, so out of out is your happy. Sad?"

He didn't get it, he thought I was being cute. I ignored the texts.

But then he IMed me tonight, with another Hi. Time to be more blunt. I replied that I was, in fact, happy with my out. Oh, how so? Honestly, you're socially awkward and, I'd imagine, rather clingy. Not my bag. Sowwy.

But now he wants me to elaborate. I just can't win.

Introductions are in order; then, onto ranting!

I've been on a self-improvement kick lately. For most of my life I've felt generally unsure of myself, been uncomfortable around strangers, and judged myself very harshly. In order to change that, I've dedicated myself to a few tasks to help me conquer my fears and channel my natural nervous energy into productive outlets.

I decided to:

• train for a 5k
• promote my writing and artwork
• join a dating site

The 5k training is going all right, with some occasional twinges in my bad knee. I'll work it out. Writing and painting are coming along splendidly, I only wish I had more time to devote to them. Online dating is proving to be a little bit.... interesting.

For the most part, I've already accomplished what I set out to do by signing up, i.e. becoming more comfortable around new people. I've gone on a couple of dozen dates, actually had a couple of short-term proto-relationships, and made a few new friends.

Some of my experiences, however, make me want to weep for humanity, bar my windows, or smack someone. I felt they were too ridiculous not to be shared.

So grab a chair, make some popcorn, and enjoy the show.