First Impressions: Your Username (Part One of a Series)

Your username, along with a tiny (and often indecipherable) thumbnail, is the first thing people people see when browsing the dating site or checking their inbox. So, you know, it's kind of important.

Let's take mine, for example. It's the first album my favorite band ever released, and also one of my favorite usernames for a bit of irony we won't mention (for that would give it away, and I don't want the word getting out that I'm ruthlessly mocking these guys!). But it works in two ways. Fans of said band will recognize me as a fellow fan, which is a point in my favor. Those who are unfamiliar with the band will see a unique username (you'll never get it confused with anyone else, I promise). Win-win.

There seem to be 4 general categories of usernames- Variations on Your Given Name, Descriptive, Humorous, and Dating Site Cliches.

Variations on Your Given Name

These tend to be pretty neutral, and usually look something like this: JohnnyMac26, JimmyinFl, etj07, etc. They really only work against you if you have a name with negative connotations (I'm looking at you, Francis. And you too, Gunther.) But they lack something, and tend to be forgettable. A better tactic is to include a humorous or descriptive statement with your name- BrandonSaysNo, jaredlovestacos, MayhemJay.

Descriptive

These tend to be pretty successful, because they entice potential suitors to view your profile. I'm lumping a lot of things in this category, including any references to your interests or hobbies (such as taking the name of your favorite fictional character, or your favorite band's first album as the case may be) or your personality, or in very limited circumstances, physical descriptors. Some examples of good descriptive usernames: IHearTheMusic, mythologyprof, ArizonArtist, DCAdventurer. For the physical descriptors, you have to be careful- I don't want to know how hot you are, how big your cock is, or how sculpted your abs are. DasBeard, gingermenace, fireeyedblamp. They reference neutral physical characteristics- facial hair, hair color, eyes.

Humorous

Pretty self-explanatory- puns, pop-culture references, wordplay. I enjoy armyofdorkness and HommeSkillet.


Dating Site Cliches

I probably won't answer you, BlueEyedPoetic, DarkRomantic, FLGentleman, or niceguy4u. [anything]4u is the quickest way to get a "pass!" from me, I have an irrational hatred of that cliche. I would hope that being an outdoorsman, gentleman, nice guy, chef, poet, or musician is something you do for yourself, not to get dates. Likewise, I am very suspicious of guys with usernames that tell me how romantic, sweet, cuddly, or poetic they are. Women aren't nearly so gullible, guys, and you can demonstrate your generous, sensitive side through words and actions rather than usernames.

Really Bad Ideas

The aforementioned references to your penis, your sexual prowess, your hotness, etc. I would have thought that was obvious, but I still see FantasyFuking, goodatsex, and RonJeremyJr. Note: anyone who publicly announces their skill in the sack probably sucks more than a Hanoi whore, and anyone who proclaims their hotness immediately becomes the opposite of hot.

Stay tuned for the next part of the First Impressions series- how your profile picture prevents you from getting laid.