Why Are They So Persistent?

Here's the deal. A few emails, or even one date, do not create some sort of 'relationship.' You do not need to 'break up' with the guy you went on an awkward date with. In fact, I think it would be strange to tell someone, "Hey, you seem cool, but you just don't do it for me," unless you've a) gone on several (like, more than 3) dates or b) had sex.

I go on a lot of dates. Sometimes, the guys are totally normal, just not quite what I was looking for. When this happens, I just don't call them back, and don't make future plans. But sometimes, even after a long period without communication or encouragement, they still try. And I don't get this.

For instance, DJ. Very intelligent and thoughtful messages led to a date for coffee. But I realized, a little ways into the date, that I didn't find him attractive. For me, this has more to do with someone's personality than their looks. He was objectively fairly cute, but several things turned me off. First, he was quite a bit (10 years) older than I am. Now, that's not a deal breaker right off the bat, in fact I secretly have a crush on another guy who is also 10 years older than I am. However, we have to be in roughly the same place in our lives for this to work, and DJ just.... wasn't. I couldn't imagine him going to the places I like to frequent, or if he did, looking very out of place. Also, he was religious. I'm a bit put off by someone who refers to Christianity as "my faith." Plenty of people out there identify as Christians because that's all they know, but referring to it in such a fashion tells me he's fairly serious, and I don't like that. Not to mention that the comment was basically, "Well, that's why I like my faith, it's obviously so much better than Islam." Totally uncool, I have a soft spot for the Middle East, and I get really annoyed by the way it's perceived in the west.

I thought DJ was an all right guy, and might be fun to hang out with platonically, so I tentatively made plans for another date. As the day approached, however, I had legitimate issues that prevented me from getting together with DJ. I told him, and he offered a raincheck. But the longer I thought about it, the less I wanted to. He obviously was interested romantically, and I didn't want to deal with that, so when he texted me asking what I was doing with my 3-day weekend (working two doubles and trying to catch up on homework, Happy Labor Day!) I ignored it.

I figured that was enough... I mean, if I were interested I would have contacted him at some point in the last few days, right? But no, he sent me another text message tonight while I was in class, asking if I wanted to get together soon.

I'm sort of baffled by all this. If a guy stops responding to me for some reason, I assume that means he's no longer interested. I just don't invest much until there's something to invest in, and a single date and a few IMs are not enough to do that. I go on dates with guys to eliminate the weirdos and crazies and uncool. Once you pass that test, *then* I decide whether or not I want to pursue a relationship with you.

I have no illusions that the way people present themselves online (or the way I perceive them) is the way they actually are in real life. That's what coffee dates are for.

But why is it that so many of these guys want to pursue a relationship when (IMO) we're obviously not compatible and have no chemistry? Is it just because they're horny bastards and think I'm cute? WTF?