Turning the Tables

Let's examine a different perspective- guys who are completely disappointed in me.

That's me. As you can see, I may not exactly conform to society's feminine ideal. This is a photo I currently have on my dating profile, but until I conscripted a friend to do a photo shoot for me, all I had were head shots. I thought the chubby cheeks would give me away, but apparently I was wrong.

There were several dates where it was obvious that the guys were expecting someone thinner, and after a couple of hours of polite conversation we called it a night and that was the end of it. But one guy in particular...

A little backstory. I'd chatted with this guy (we'll call him Ben) about our similar musical tastes. I asked him out for coffee one evening on a day that I had inadvertently double-booked myself. I had an afternoon date with one guy, and an evening date with Ben. So I rushed back from my afternoon date (with an awesome guy, Evan, that I ended up dating for a couple of months) to meet Ben.

It became obvious to me about 20 minutes into the date that Ben kind of sucked. First off, he wasn't as attractive as I thought he'd be- a let-down, but not a deal-breaker. He had this really huge nose, a la Cyranno de Bergerac. Although it managed to be pretty photogenic- still don't understand that one. But he was, well, lame.

Lame like, sheltered. I mean, if your idea of a *crazy funny* story is how one night, you dispatched a tow truck to a really drunk guy.... *crickets* ....um, yeah. Wow, I would never be able to introduce you to my friends, because you're a weenie. Also, lame as in, oblivious. He kept raising his voice over the noise from the acoustic band that was playing, despite glares from the audience and snide comments from the barista. Geez, did you ever think that all these people huddled appreciatively around this band might be here to enjoy them? And until we get our drinks and go sit outside, maybe it would be best to keep conversation to a minimum since you're obviously unable to keep your freaking voice down?

So, I say to myself, have a cup of coffee, chat for an hour or two, then go home and ignore his calls. I do a lot of that, no big deal. But apparently, I was too hideous for him to even look at. Or he was ashamed to be sitting at a coffee shop with such a disgusting fatty. Or something.

Maybe 15 minutes into the date, he gets a text message. Oh, ha ha, look, my friend sent me a funny picture of a luchador. He sends a quick response, and apologizes for the interruption. I think nothing of it. But then, 10 minutes later or so, he gets a phone call. *Exaggerated puzzled face* "Wait.. why is he calling me? I told him I was on a date... I'm sorry, I have to take this, it might be important."

OK, fine, I'm gonna get me a sammich. I overhear his theatrical response to whatever's being said- "What happened? What do you mean? *gasp* OMG!" He runs up, says, "I'm so sorry, I had a lovely time, but I've got an emergency and I've got to go. We should do this again sometime," and he rushes out the door.

Huh. So I don't have to spend another hour wondering how the hell you stumbled upon such great bands, yet manage to suck so badly? Cool. But then I started thinking, about the text message, and the melodramatic phone call, etc. He had an escape plan for lame dates! And he used it on me.

Dude. Superlame.